


all we need

by catmittens



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Pining, Pre-Canon, Sharing a Bed, So much navel-gazing, emotionally constipated teenage boys, mild foreshadowing for future sad times???, they're still in high school in this, this is so vague i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 10:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13246068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catmittens/pseuds/catmittens
Summary: Hide doesn't need anyone other than Kaneki. Not that anyone has to know.(A story from before.)





	all we need

It’s Thursday night, and Kaneki is in Hide’s room.

 

Hide lies on his stomach on the floor, reading manga he picked up at the library earlier. Kaneki is up on the bed and reading the dog-eared paperback horror novel that he had chosen. The entire house still smells like the pork curry they ate for dinner, and the air conditioning shields them from the awful humidity of August.

 

Normally, Hide doesn’t like it when they are both quiet like this. He loves to try to engage Kaneki in the strangest conversations he can think of, and laughs delightedly at the flustered responses he gets. By now, it’s become routine for them, so the comfortable lazy silence right now feels almost out-of-place.

 

For a moment, Hide thinks about asking something like “Hey dude, which girl in our class would you eat if you were a ghoul?” The morbid curiosity about ghouls has been rolling around in his head for months now, after all.

 

In the end, when he looks up from the manga and sees Kaneki completely relaxed while reading his book, he decides to just leave it. The manga sits ignored as Hide discreetly angles his head to keep looking at Kaneki.

 

It’s probably creepy, but Hide loves watching the other boy when he reads. Until he met Kaneki, he didn’t know that anybody, much less another boy, could actually look _poetic_. When his friend finally hit puberty, he had somehow gone from a scrawny and pale little ghost to a young man of almost Byronic good looks. His dark hair went well with his serious eyes, which were a soft shade of gray. The eyes themselves were framed by his longer eyelashes, which gave his face a feminine quality.

 

It isn’t even just his normal features. When he reads, Kaneki’s mouth will relax into a content half-smile that makes all of his usual melancholy seem so far away, and his gray eyes become warm and alight.

 

In short, Kaneki is very pretty, and it fascinates Hide to no end. There are plenty of pretty girls in the world, but this is different. Hide is fine with things being that way. Girls are girls and Kaneki is Kaneki.

 

Lying on the floor like this gets boring quickly, so Hide pushes himself up and flops on his bed next to Kaneki. The spell that Kaneki’s book has cast on him is abruptly broken, his face opens up and brightens like a light switch.

 

Hide leans heavily into Kaneki and tries to peek at the page he’s on. “Is that by the Takatsuki Sen lady you like?” he asks.

 

Kaneki chuckles lightly. “No, it’s someone else. They aren’t as good as her, but it’s not bad.” He marks his place with a worn bookmark. “Are you done with yours?” he asks Hide, gesturing toward the abandoned manga.

 

“Nah… I’ll finish it later. Probably tomorrow. I’m tired of reading.” Hide shrugs noncommittally. He leans back, the fluff of blond-dyed hair on the back of his head flattened by the surface of the headboard. “By the way, what do you wanna do tomorrow?”

 

Considering the question, Kaneki closes his eyes and lets his head loll to one side slightly. He hasn’t moved over even with Hide squished up beside him. A certain warmth blooms in Hide’s chest and spreads through the rest of his body all the way to his fingers.

 

“I’m not sure, to be honest. Is there anything you want to do?”

 

Luckily, Hide had planned for this already. “A movie!” he crows. “There’s one that I’ve been wanting to see for a while. It has that one actress in it, Nonaka or something? You like her, right?”

 

A nod. “I do! Yeah, let’s see it.” Kaneki’s grin is sincere, a welcome change from when they are in school. He’s been here staying at Hide’s house for three weeks during summer vacation. On Sunday, he’ll go back to his aunt’s house.

 

Hide’s parents are kind, kind enough to welcome Kaneki into their home as often as possible. The boy never talks about what goes on with his relatives, but they don’t force him to say anything. Hide can tell that this is the way Kaneki prefers it. He wishes that his parents weren’t always so kind.

 

By now, Kaneki has shifted to the other side of the bed and looks at the other teen. “Hide…” he starts, sounding unsure of himself.

 

“What’s up?”

 

It’s just…” Kaneki trails off for a moment. “Are you really okay with it just being the two of us tomorrow? You could invite that girl you started dating.” He smiles, but there’s an embarrassed flush dusting his cheeks. “I’d hate to think I’m taking up time you could see her too.”

 

A sudden reminder of a girl their age with wavy shoulder-length hair held back with a red headband. “Oh, Igarashi! Yeah, it’s okay, we broke up before vacation started.” Hide gives this reply with a flippant grin. He had practically forgotten about her.

 

Judging from the surprise on Kaneki’s face, he had not forgotten. “You… broke up? You hadn’t even been dating for that long…”

 

“It was just one of those things. She was nice, but it didn’t really work out, you know?”

 

His friend nods once, twice, and then the subject seems to be dropped. It was the truth, Igarashi _had_ been nice, and pretty as well. Hide felt flattered when she confessed to him and their first few dates had been fun. The problem had been so simple it had barely felt like a problem: Hide hadn’t been able to feel anything deeper than an admiration for her looks and pleasant personality.

 

At the very least, the breakup had been civil. Igarashi was a calm person, so she accepted things with a wistful smile and said goodbye. Just like that, she exited his life like mist. Hide had meant to tell Kaneki immediately when he got to their classroom, but it never happened. Instead, an intense feeling of contentment settled over him, honestly relieved at going back to what felt natural to him. Hide sat, said hello to Kaneki, and felt happy.

 

Poor Igarashi. Hopefully she would find someone else.

 

Feeling an elbow jab his side, Hide turns to Kaneki and jokingly mirrors the action. “Don’t push me!” he says with a laugh. “It’s my bed, weirdo.”

 

“You were about to fall asleep! You should go get your pajamas on so we can go to bed.”

 

This makes Hide whine. “Ugh, seriously? It’s only 11.”

 

“ _Only_? Come on, I don’t want to be tired when we see the movie.” Kaneki stops elbowing the other boy and gets off the bed to get his own pajamas. Hide grudgingly concedes and follows suit. It’s not long before they are standing together at the sink brushing their teeth. A peaceful mood hangs around them.

 

At this moment, Kaneki’s shoulders aren’t tensed in the anxiety that he will be back with his aunt soon. Instead of his grave silences, there has been only stretches of quiet thoughtfulness. Hide much prefers those, even if he can’t say it out loud. Getting to see Kaneki like this so often these past few weeks has given his heart a constant lightness that he wishes he didn’t have to give up.

 

They finish up in the bathroom and go back to Hide’s room, where Hide climbs under the covers of his bed. Meanwhile, Kaneki pulls out the simple futon set aside for him when he first got there. The old mattress lays on the floor, waiting to be covered with the blue duvet. For some reason, the setup suddenly looks so lonely in Hide’s eyes, like an island. Maybe it had always looked like that and he only now realized it.

 

“Hey, Kaneki…”

 

“Yeah?” Kaneki pauses in spreading out the duvet.

 

“You’ve been sleeping on that thing for a while now and it’s not even that comfortable.” Hide tries to make this into a joke. “Let’s just share the bed, ‘kay?”

 

A confused choked-off noise issues from Kaneki’s throat, which he immediately covers by clearing it roughly. “You… uh… huh?” He clearly doesn’t know what to say.

 

For some reason, this hurts Hide’s feelings somewhat. It’s best to just ignore when that happens, so he shoves them down.

 

Hide laughs just a little. “It’s cozy!” he explains, “and I hardly take up any room anyway. Come on, come on!” He feels better doing this, teasing and egging Kaneki on like they’re still ten years old and he’s just being a clingy kid, a perfectly acceptable reason to cuddle up to your best friend.

 

It only takes a minute or two of cajoling before Kaneki can’t help but laugh too and abandon the futon for the bed. He bounces on the mattress experimentally, stopping when Hide tries to wallop him with his understuffed pillow. “You’re such a kid!” Kaneki tells him when he stops laughing.

 

“Ha! Whatever, nerd.” They grin tiredly, and the lively atmosphere gently deflates, like an airborne balloon slowly coming back down to Earth. The light is turned off and the two of them lie under the covers.

 

In the dark, it’s quiet at last. Hide drifts in the pocket of consciousness between being awake and asleep, and can almost imagine he is floating in space, like the way he used to when he was very young. Now he puts aside thoughts of pinprick stars and clustered galaxies and turns to Kaneki, who also lies on his side. The other boy’s eyelids are heavy, his mouth set in a soft bow. Slowly but surely, his cheeks color. “Now you’re just staring at me.”

 

Familiar syrupy warmth pools inside of Hide. Then he feels a dampness starting to sting his eyes and he is briefly horrified. This too, he firmly pushes down and ignores. His eyes are dry.

 

He means to reply with something inane; something that’s meaningless. Instead, he ends up saying “I’ll miss you when you go back home.” Hide immediately wants to slap himself. Kaneki most likely hears the note of vulnerability suddenly naked in his voice.

 

Neither of them know what to say. Hide gave something away that he wasn’t ready to give, and he knows Kaneki must be confused. It shows in his eyes and the way that they subtly widen. But at the same time, they’re both… tired. When you’re tired, weird things like that slip out all the time, right? Of course, right.

 

The silence continues for several seconds. Hide doesn’t know how to take back his words, and knows that doing so would be flat-out lying. Kaneki is still at a loss, but finally opens his mouth to say something. “Well… it’s not like we’ll never see each other again. We’ll see each other at school, and we can hang out on Sundays.” There is a sincere desire to comfort and understand, but he doesn’t quite get it. Kaneki is overwhelmingly kind, but he is also frustratingly normal.

 

Hide can feel something attempt to open between them, like a jammed doorway. It’s possible that Hide could be the one to open it since he’s so close already. It’s not a bad idea, but he falters. Once the door opens, all the protection it offers disappears, the two of them completely exposed to the cold air rushing around them. Hide has no idea if Kaneki would stick around for that or just find another way to hide himself.

 

“Sundays are good, but I get tired of school,” Hide ends up saying in petulant tones. He has walked right up to the door, and pulls it shut firmly. Whatever consequences of opening it have been avoided. Or at least delayed. They’re safe for now.

 

Kaneki no longer looks lost, and chuckles wearily. “You’re _always_ tired of school, Hide.” Closing his eyes and smiling, he rolls over on his back. “At least tell me you’ll be there.”

 

“I’ll suffer through it, I guess…”

 

“Good to know. Now go to sleep.”

 

For a while, nothing more is said. The two boys lie there, not quite asleep, Kaneki with his eyes closed and Hide with his eyes open a fraction to look at his friend, who looks like he has already fallen asleep. He’s just realized that he’s quite tired himself. He can already feel himself drifting, floating through the pocket of outer space that his room has become.

 

Just then, Kaneki tells him something, and Hide ceases to float. “I’ll miss being here.”

 

It’s all he says. Hide wonders if he’s dreaming, but he knows he’s still awake. A heavy wistfulness sinks into his bones, one that feels like a sad sort of wisdom. His room is no longer outer space, it’s only a dark bedroom. No stars, no asteroids, no faraway planets. He’s been flung down to Earth again. He wishes he could escape the finality.

 

Kaneki really is asleep now, and breathing peacefully. Hide, painfully careful, moves closer until he feels the other boy’s arm brush the back of his hand. The dark feelings start to dissipate, if only a little, and he closes his eyes as he settles in.

 

_I’ll miss you_ , he thinks. _I’ll miss you_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Accidentally writes all about pining Hide* 
> 
> Sadness is my jam.


End file.
